Liebesfilme / Lovemovies

Ich glaube ich sollte es lassen Liebesfilme zu schauen.
Aber doch tue ich es immer wieder um dann doch nur enttäuscht zu sein dass es bei mir grade und auch schon viel zu lange nicht so ist.

Ich sah gerade den neuen Film mit Sandra Bullock.
Allein die Tatsache das ich mir Filme mit Sandra Bullock angucke dürfte schon für aufregung sorgen.
Aber das ich den auch noch toll finde und die Alte auch noch beneide ( besonders wegen dem wirklich wirklich leckern Typen mit dem sie da spielt...) lässt mich doch so langsam aber sicher in einem sehr komischen Licht erscheinen.

Ich wünsche mir das auf der einen Seite auch so sehr.
Ich sehne mich nach körperlicher Nähe. Und damit meine ich ganz sicher nicht Sex.
Nein, ich möchte in den Arm genommen werden und wissen, dass ich genau hier zu Hause bin.
Ich möchte jemadem in die Augen sehen können und feststellen, dass er mich bedingungslos liebt.
Ich möchte jemanden küssen können und mich dabei völlig fallen lassen.
Ich möchte Liebe.

Auf der anderen Seite habe ich leider nichts zu bieten.

Ich bin ruhig, aber in den falschen Momenten viel zu laut.
Ich bin schüchtern, aber in den falschen Momenten gebe ich viel zu viel Preis.
Ich bin nett, aber ich den falschen Momenten bin ich einfach nur scheisse.
Ich habe nicht viele Interessen, aber in den falschen Momenten kann ich stundenlang belanglose Dinge erzählen.
Und ich fühle mich eigentlich nie gut.

Manche Männer finden zwar dass ich gut aussehe, aber das würde ich doch nur selten unterschreiben.

Also, wie soll ich bloss jemals eine Beziehung führen, wie ich sie mir wünsche?

Ich bin neidisch!

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I think I should better stop watching love movies.
But I do it again and again just to be dissapointed at the end, cause my life isn't like that much too long.


I just watched the new movie with Sandra Bullock.
The single fact that I watched a movie with Sandra Bullock shall put the cat among the pidgeons.
But that I really liked him and that I envy the dame for her luck ( eminently because of the really cute guy she acts with... )should appear in a weird light.

On one side I am so wanting the same.
I am longing for physical closeness. Not Sex as well!
No, I want to be hugged and just know that here is my home.
I want to look in somebodys eyes and just want to know that he is loving me unconditonal.
I want to kiss somebody and let myself fall.
I want love.

On the other hand I have nothing to give.

I am silent, but in the wrong moment I am much too loud.
I am shy, but in the wrong moment I am telling too much.
I am nice, but in the wrong moment I am just crappy.
I have not lots of interests, but in the wrong moment I can talk for hours about
dummy things.
I nearly never feel good.

Some guys are thinking that I am good looking but I won't sign that often.

The point is : How should I ever have a relationship I would like to have?

I am jealous!

English lesson

Maybe I am able to write some things in english, for my english and american friends. ;)

Some of you already know that I felt in love with joel but he "destroyed" it.
I don't know really why. I think it's because if the distance... I know it is hard to handle that, but it's possible.
Never mind but it hurts cause I didn't said "I love you" to a lot of men...
Maybe.. sometimes...We'll see...
I can just sit and hope because I don't want to annoy him with my messages.

But the thing beat me that hard that I wasn't able to hold it anymore and I went to drink some booze.
After 2 years and 4 months clean I fell back to my old attitude.

It was not only because of him... I had a fight with myself months ago... but it made me stronger.
I had made the decision to not do it again.
Even because my brother has lain in the hospital as my head was finally clear.

Now I have some complications with my best friend.
He treated me bad and didn't apologized...
It is not the first time he did that... And everytime I am the one who feels bad.
Ok, I am a very impulsive woman and I am full of hormones but he knows that.
And everything I wanted was an apologize.

Now I will see if he's getting down from his high horse or not...
And maybe I have to make consequences...

We'll see.
Ok. It is short but I think I didn't forgot something.

Except: I am still missing Joel that much.
Maybe I'll never forget him because he's the man, I'll never get...